“If you feel that you are missing out on fulfillment and happiness, but cannot put your finger on the ‘why’, something deeper might be going on. Believe it or not, anyone can develop a habit of self-deprivation, and not even realise it.” – Mike Bundrant
Most people are willing to love: yet a lot of people just can’t. You might feel a wall of stones building up in your chest the moment people get close to you. Why is it that we want to prove the world that we don’t need anyone?
When body, mind and soul fall out of balance, we become prone to suffer all sorts of health issues. Feelings of disconnectedness, emptiness, and loneliness are slowly taking over life, and sadly we learn to tolerate it, come to expect it, and even prefer the deprivation in some strange, familiar way. Many times, when this happens (food) addictions lure around the corner.
No one though, voluntarily chooses to feel this way. It is a natural reaction of years of self-depriviation and feeling unfulfilled. The result for which we could find many reasons. It is important to recognise when this is happening. Never silence your inner voice, for it is who you really are!!!
Are You Able To Love? Here Are 7 Signs You Have Fall Prey To Self-Deprivation:
1. YOU ARE FOCUSED ON THE NEEDS OF OTHERS AND DON’T EXPRESS YOUR OWN NEEDS
Focusing solely on the needs of others at the expense of your own is actually a disservice to yourself and others. It typically leads to resentment and emotional martyrdom. Refusing to express your needs in practice guarantees deprivation. Millions of people allow others to ignore, take advantage, and take them for granted because they will not speak up.
2. YOU FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Guilt or “selfish” feelings when you meet your own needs is a sign that you don’t believe you deserve to fulfil them, as if it were wrong.
3. YOU CAN’T TAKE COMPLIMENTS
Not accepting compliments graciously (inside and out) is a way to deflect them, depriving yourself of the need to be appreciated.
4. YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE OR SELF-CENTERED PEOPLE
A sure way to not get your needs fulfilled, is to attract emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people into your life. When you commit to these kinds of people, you set yourself up for a lifetime of emotional deprivation.
5. YOU EXPECT DISAPPOINTMENT
Expecting disappointment keeps happiness at a distance. Going into situations anticipating disappointment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
6. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT OR CANNOT DEFINE YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE
This is very common. People usually don’t think of it this way, but not knowing what you want or even trying to figure it out is a way to avoid your purpose. Living with a sense of purpose is a huge need that brings meaning and fulfilment.
7. YOU SHY AWAY FROM INTIMACY
When you avoid close relationships or shy away from deeper connections with people, you miss out on this fundamental contribution to happiness and fulfilment.
Each of the above factors lead us straight into deprivation, even though we did not consciously choose to go there. The first step towards healing is to become aware of the issue. Do you really want to continue this way?
The body and mind can be healed by nutrition and excercise, but the soul needs nutrition too and love is the best superfood of them all. In future articles we will discuss and elaborate how you can work on towards (self) love and happiness.
Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it – Rumi
This article is based on and adapted from Mike Bundrant’s ‘The AHA Solution’: An End to Self-Sabotage. To watch a free, 20-minute webinar on psychological attachments and how to end self-sabotage in your life, click here.
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