8 Things You Can Stop Saying Sorry To
Growing up, we’ve all learnt to apologise for our wrong doings. We were taught to be respectful and polite towards others, especially adults! An being polite meant excusing yourself.
So what happened when you grew older?
If you aren’t able to help someone out, you say sorry. If you are late, you apologise. If you want to get someones attention you say: “excuse me”.
Of course our parents only meant to do good, but I’ve come to understand that saying sorry too often will leave us unsatisfied and unsuccessful. The world simply doesn’t work that way.
Over the years I had become accustomed to excusing myself for EVERYTHING.
I apologised when I started a conversation, when I ended one, if I needed to ask something, even if I wanted to tell someone they did ME wrong: “I’m so sorry I don’t really want this to be an issue between us so don’t get mad but..”.
When you constantly say sorry, you create a huge aura of insecurity around yourself. People won’t take you that serious anymore and they’ll be afraid to ask you things. All because they don’t want to see you in that state where you seem to blame everything on yourself.
You won’t be able to be successful in life if you have to apologise for everything you do first.
Why would you apologise for things you have no influence on?
If the rain decides to come down on me, do I need to apologise when I enter the office all soaked? When I already have an appointment do I need to say sorry if someone else asks for that time? If my house is a bit messy and I’ve got unannounced visitors should I excuse myself for the mess?
At first it might seem rude, but the answer is no. You can resolve all of these situations differently than by putting yourself on the spot. Because that’s what happens when you start excusing yourself! Even for things that aren’t your fault. “I’m sorry” is just too much for these cases.
It all boils down to not saying sorry unless it’s really something you did wrong (purposefully) or could’ve been able to stop from happening. Sounds logical right?
Here’s what I’ve learned and you can too. There are 8 things that happen in daily life you should never have to say sorry for!
Stop saying sorry in these situations:
1. WHEN YOU NEED TO SAY “NO”
“To rush into explanations is always a sign of weakness.” – Agatha Christie
People come to you with a request. You can either say yes or no. It’s that simple. Why excuse yourself if you just aren’t able to do what they asked? You wouldn’t pet yourself on the back when you’d say yes either right?
Imagine a friend asks you to help him/her moving. There are two options:
1. You could say no: “I can’t, I have to work so I won’t be able to help you.”
The answer would be: “No problem, I’ll ask someone else!”
2. Or when you excuse yourself: “Oh no! I’m so sorry… I have to work…”
The answer would be: “No problem, I’ll ask someone else!”
The result will be the same. But if you keep reacting with apologies, people will get uncomfortable with asking you things. Save your sorry’s for when they really matter!
2. WHEN YOU’VE EXCUSED YOURSELF ALREADY
“The trouble with excuses, however, is that they become inevitably difficult to believe after they’ve been used a couple of times.” – Scott Spencer
“He didn’t seem to realise that three excuses was as good as no excuse.” – Ann Brashares
Let’s say you’ve really done someone wrong. To keep excusing yourself for something you’ve already sincerely apologised for is NOT going to make it any better. With every sorry you keep adding to the pile, your sincerity is lost a little more.
Not only do you constantly remind that person about what happened, you’re also disrupting his/her coping process. Of course you can reach out to them, but keep respecting their space. Sometimes it’s even better to wait until they come to you.
3. WHEN YOU’RE NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING WRONG
“No one will ever blame you for trying to get it right.” – Lorii Meyers
If you gave it your true best and did everything you could have done, there’s truly no need for you to apologise. Even more so, you can be proud of yourself because you gave it a 100%!
4. WHEN YOU’RE BEING POLITE
You really don’t need to say “excuse me” or “sorry” before of every sentence when you’re trying to be polite. That’s not politeness! Politeness is about good manners and etiquette. No need for excuses here, unless you have a very distracted waiter who seems to have forgotten that your table exists.
5. IF IT’S NOT AN EXCUSE
“Getting defensive doesn’t hide the fact that you know you could have done better. Stop putting your energy into your excuses.” – Tony Curl
“If you keep looking for sympathy as a justification for your actions, you will someday be left standing alone when you really need help.” – Criss Jami
The dog ate my homework, I missed the bus and then the bridge was open so I’m sorry I’m late. You’re doing two things at this moment:
– You’re just plain complaining
– You’re blaming everyone and everything except yourself
Don’t go there, people remember these kind of things!
6. IF IT’S ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE
“Never make an excuse for being yourself, no one’s going to do it better.” – Ron Baratono
Unless you’re waring a garbage bag to your job interview, excusing yourself for you appearance is absolutely unnecessary. Of course you can comment on it (“I had a fight with my coffee this morning”), but don’t make yourself feel bad about the way you look!
If you already feel insecure about that coffee stain, there’s no need to make things worse by putting everyone’s focus onto in a negative way.
7. WHEN YOU WANT TO INVEST TIME IN YOURSELF
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” – George Washington
Taking time for yourself is crucial. A little me-time can make all the troubles fade away. It’s what keeps you sane. This is important!
But freeing time for yourself can sometimes get difficult. When that happens you really need to step up your A-game sometimes and firmly say “no”, without excusing yourself.
If you go with the: “Yeah sorry, I actually really wanted to lay in bath with a good book tonight” people are just going to see it as an entrance to get their way. “Oh, so you’ve got nothing to do then?”. Just say: “I need some me-time, so I’ve got a date with my book, bath and bed.”
8. IF YOU NEED TO ASK A QUESTION
Just ask your question. Never apologise for not knowing something, we’re all learning, every single day. The person you’re asking will probably be flattered that you’re asking him/her for help. Go with: “I’ve heard you know a lot about this topic, so could you help me with…”
Sorry to keep bothering you, but this is what you’ve learned from this article…:
See how weird that sounds! There are so many more instances where saying sorry is just too much.
Moreover, excuses can be quite insulting because you imply that the other person did something to make you excuse yourself.
So try to be a bit more careful with your sorry’s, I promise you’ll get nothing but positive reactions!
Did you enjoy this article? How often do you say sorry? What things do you want to stop apologising about? Let us know in the comments below. Who knows, it might be just the thing that a fellow reader needs to hear to get ahead:)
How do you react when someone says sorry to you? Here’s more about the art of forgiveness.
Photo Credit © Death to the Stock Photo
